The lawsuit creaks towards a close. My character reference is read out – perhaps I should charge for such endorsements – but otherwise, there is no fresh evidence. I trust this will be the first and last time that I will hear the defendant described as 'of impeccable character', as sainthood ill suits him. I fail to see how this case can ever be proven 'beyond all reasonable doubt' or, as the judge put it 'so that you are sure'.
A verdict is unlikely before Monday.
On the day when I first heard a cellphone ring to the tune of 'Hey Jude', I thought I might share the contents of an email that is doing the rounds of the industry :
In a message dated 7/22/01 8:41:17 PM Central Daylight Time, Col writes:
<< >RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling
> >San Francisco, Calif. -- After using the courts to keep >Napster and MP3.com from freely distributing music over the Internet, >the Recording Industry Association of America today asked a federal >judge to stop people from humming or whistling copyrighted songs in >public. The RIAA also asked for $300 million in damages from the >estimated 22 million drunken men who think banging out the opening drum >beat to "Wipeout" is a good way to impress women in bars.
> >"Anyone who publicly hums or whistles is disseminating >copyright-protected music and thereby infringing on our artists' >rights," said RIAA spokesman Janet Fogerty. "Also, we don't like it when >the wind blows. It sounds too much like the beginning to Elton John's >'Funeral for a Friend.'"
> >Free speech advocates were outraged over the RIAA's action, but women >generally applauded. "Most of the guys I know can't drum Wipeout when >they're sober, let alone drunk," said Helen Kurtz, a 22-year-old from >Manhattan.
>
The rain, for which I wished, has duly arrived, and it has had the desired effect of dampening the ardour of the tourists. The change in the weather is probably due to an ancient British rain dance performed by twenty two men in white clothes up in the distant North at Trent Bridge. The ritual involves sticking two sets of round wooden poles at a distance of 22 yards and trying to knock them over with a ball, while someone else tries to stop with you a bat. It is unfailingly successful.
